14. Planet of the Monkeypox

Was Planet of the Apes predictive programming? What if the apes in the movie are people who got the Monkeypox shot? Only time will tell...

13. It's Energy Efficient

🤖 Because there is two pieces of bread, you'll be taxed twice 🤖 Seeing as peanut butter is not carbon friendly, this will cost you 20,000 carbon credits 🤖

12. The 711 Prophecy Has Been Fulfilled

Now that this milestone has been achieved, Winn Dixie will finally win something, Wal-Mart will begin selling walls, and Lowe's will finally get high.

11. Very, Very, Very Wrong

If anyone argues with this, they're a lost cause. Move on.

10. A Dependable President Alright...

Finally, a President with depends on - er - I meant we can depend on. (The second part was the joke)

9. Can We Print Out Common Sense Instead of Money and Hand That Out Instead?

My Dad always said, "Common sense ain't that common". As a man, I clearly understand what he meant and that Alex Jones was right about the gay frogs.

8. It Makes Sense If You Don't Think About It

I don't want to do this, but you're making me do this. It's your fault that I'm doing this. You're the reason why this is happening. Are these the words of an abusive partner or an abusive government? What's the difference?

7. Anything But the Orange Man...

Shelves may be empty, but their bank of brownie points with each other is full - why eat when you can get social approval?

6. Rules for Thee But Not For Me

They're also the same lowlifes who are trying to defund the police. No defense from law enforcement and no means of self defense while they have enough firepower to wipe out a galaxy - but that's the whole idea of this, isn't it...

5. We Need Another Regan

Many refer to inflation as "the hidden tax", but we like to view it as the most insulting, in-your-face tax there is. As prices raise due to government incompetence, so does their tax revenue. It's a complete scam and racketeering at its finest.

4. We're Here to Help, We Promise

For those who wonder how the Chinese people wound up living under such strict, fascistic rule, learn some history about the Mao Revolution. The first thing those communist bastards did was confiscate any remaining firearms owned by the Chinese people.

3. Something Must Be Done!

Every year in America, over 130,000 citizens are injured or killed by bicycles each year, which is three times the amount of gun related deaths.

This malarky needs to stop - we must make moves to ban assault bicycles today before another tragedy strikes.

2. Seriously, Don't Think About It and It Will Make Sense

If gas prices are higher, that means that people are being paid so well that they can afford the price hikes and that the economy is strong because the gas prices are higher.

If you think this is circular logic, you're a transphobic racist.

1. But What Is a Woman?

This vital question depends on whether or not the date can actually define what a woman is, which apparently is an extremely convoluted topic and definitely not as simple as somebody born with a vagina.